Hello, my name is Amy. I have been battling endometriosis for about 10 years now. I had my first surgery when I was 20. I’m 29 now. I had it pretty bad – stage 4. I was treated with controlled periods with birth control until last May. My husband and I wanted to try for a baby. Almost a year and a half later, I still haven’t conceived.
I had an HSG done about 1 1/2 weeks ago and the results weren’t promising. I have one fallopian tube that’s scarred shut and the other side is only slightly open. I have now been turned over to a fertility clinic, which I haven’t contacted yet. I’m still dealing with the sadness and depression surrounding the slim chance of conceiving naturally. I wanted to get my story and feelings out in some way and, since I’ve never tried before, I thought it would help to share with an audience that felt my pain and maybe could relate. I know there are a lot of endo sufferers that share my same predicament.
So IVF is the probable next step for us. Don’t see this happening any time soon since its sooooo expensive. I’m just so upset – motherhood truly is what my destiny is. I just want a family more than anything and I’m so bummed that it can’t just happen for me. All I keep seeing on facebook and hearing from all my closest friends is “I’m pregnant”. I just want to lock myself up and not see a pregnant woman or hear those words anymore. I’m so jealous of them all. I know I shouldn’t be this way and I should stay positive and make it work for me or just deal with not being able to have a family like I’ve always dreamed of but I can’t help feeling this way.
My husband tries to be supportive and uplifting but I feel like I’ve let him down too. I feel like I have no purpose in life now. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and have a big family and now that’s down the toilet. What’s it going to be like not to have children and to live without that joy? It makes it even worse when its all around me with everyone I know starting their families. I feel cheated and screwed. I just don’t know how I can turn this into a positive life and learning experience. I know everything happens for a reason but I can’t fathom why this has happened to me. I also think about how I am an only female child (my brother is gay so he will never have kids) and can’t give my parents any grandkids. The guilt and frustration builds every day. I don’t know what to do with myself.
If anyone has any good suggestions for me, I’m open to anything. I know it sounds like I’m having a pity party and I’m sorry. You don’t even have to say anything to me. I just wanted to vent and say the things that I can’t say to anyone close to me because they just wouldn’t understand. I guess maybe I needed to vent…
Thanks for allowing me to let it all out.
The informational content of this article is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.
This article is intended to convey general educational information and should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.