They never tell you how these sicknesses affect you MENTALLY more than anything. I’ve been feeling really insecure lately, physically. This lupus made my skin so bad to the point where I don’t even feel sexy or attractive anymore. I have to FORCE myself to wear certain things. Some days I look in the mirror and I just do not like what I see. I feel the urge to vent to people close to me about it, but then change my mind because I don’t want to be a burden.
Lupus has changed my appearance and now I’m struggling to see this new version of myself as beautiful. October 14, 2019 my entire life changed. To hear the harsh words of, “Ms. Bender you have SLE Lupus.” I didn’t understand the harsh journey I would have to go through. I questioned God over and over again about why it had to be me.
I was hospitalized twice in 2019, for a week both times. I started chemotherapy treatment in January with the initial plan of me having to do 8 treatments, but my kidney and lung function would not allow me to do 8. So, I only completed 4. I lost my hair from the chemotherapy and took on an entire new look that I could not embrace.
Through the grace of God and my family having my back, I learned to understand that I do have Lupus, but Lupus does not have me. I have become closer to God and it has brought on a new sight of how important life and my loved ones are to me. I have not been alone on this journey, I have family that has walked with me every step of the way and makes it so much easier for me to cope with this deadly disease. Starting now, I want to learn to love the new skin I’m in. This new skin that God has blessed me with because he knows I am a warrior. #MyLupusIsBeautiful 💜🦋 I’m not a victim; I’m a VICTOR. I will not let Lupus box me. Instead, I will turn it into my stage. ✨
“Lupus may slow me down, but it
ain’t stoppin’ me!” 👊🏽 #My2020Testimony
This story is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.