MISSING MY LIFE: Remembering my first year with fibromyalgia and the lessons it tried to teach me.
Yes I did type “tried” to teach me, as I am obviously a slow learner when it comes to my will power versus my body’s capabilities and limits. I like most people had to learn the hard way. Looking back now over the past few years I was not capable at that time to listen to the warning signs my body was sending me. I ignored and pushed through unrelenting pain and fatigue until I had nothing left to push with and completely crashed. Today I have more respect for my limits, mostly because I have no other choice. I know if my body would allow me to do as I wished I would still push it way to far, but isn’t that human nature, living life to our fullest? As I am compiling my journal entries and lessons of the past few years I sit here with full blown adrenal fatigue/chronic fatigue syndrome as well as fibromyalgia. Live and learn they say. So I have turned my focus on trying to inform other people maybe newly diagnosed or wondering about a diagnosis yet to come. I know I have had many bumps along the way and maybe I can help someone else be more delicate with their body. As you read through my heart felt story you will find me refer back to a space in time where I journal-ed my day to day activities so that I could better move forward. I will then bounce into the present moment with an updated opinion of where life has taken me. It is my sincere wish that I will continue to find meaning in my day each and every day and to be an inspiration to others as I have been through my yoga teaching, only now through my book.
It is human nature, when we feel pain, we hold it close, we try to control it…try to stop it!
When we burn our hand, we pull it close to our body, when we stub a toe, we reach down and wrap our hands around the pain, when we have abdominal pain we fold over holding tight. It’s not on purpose it is what we are programmed to do. We tighten around the pain, to comfort it, to soothe it away, but in reality it isn’t until we soften to the pain and accept it that we feel any relief.
For people suffering with fibromyalgia and living in pain, we are not able to relax into the pain and soften around it, we clench every muscle, every minute, of every day trying hopelessly to stop the pain…it doesn’t work. For this kind of pain and suffering we cannot get past it until we go through it, by mindfully focusing on the breath and feeling the pain. For me it helps to break the pain down into smaller more manageable pieces. For example where is the worst pain? What does it feel like? Does it burn or is it a stabbing shooting pain? Breathe into it, close your eyes, feel the pain, and try to relax.
This is probably because of my experienced as a yoga instructor, I am very comfortable teaching others how to focus on their breath, this is not however easy when every breath you take hurts. This of course will not happen right away, this will take practice and patience, it will not cure our pain, however for me it has proven to lessen the impact it has on me at any given moment. When we try to hide the pain and pretend it doesn’t exist. We will go beyond our limits and it will roar, I have lived this first hand, we cannot beat our illness. However we can accept it and play by it’s rules and live as comfortably as possible.
It is my heartfelt intention to offer you my views and opinions on what has happened to me. This is a story of my journey, I hope it offers readers the compassion and empathy that I would expect to be given and that I offer you. The information I offer is my opinion unless stated other wise, please use what sounds good to you and disregard what will not suit your circumstances. I am not a doctor, but I am a person living in pain with fibromyalgia.
The informational content of this article is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.
This story is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.