Saturday, December 14, 2019
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It’s Not Fair!

Today, I had quite a big “It’s not fair” moment. Throughout my illness and my treatment, I’ve managed to avoid most of these, but not today. What, exactly tipped me over the edge, I don’t know.

I have heard of people coping fine throughout their treatment, and then afterwards reflecting back and realizing just what it is they’ve been through. Maybe that’s true of me.

I am a member of an online lymphoma forum. In this week alone, I’ve read about two (young) men who lost their battle with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. A guy called Brian, who was 37, and left his wife and two children, and a guy called Mike who was 33. I’ve never met any of the people on this forum, and I probably never will, but you start to feel a sense of community with those that have been through, or that are going through what you have.

My upset today was how my life has had to go on hold while I have fought and am recovering from this thing. And even now that part is over, I’m waiting for test results on my thyroid, so I’m still in limbo. I am SO ready for this part of my life to be over, so I can move on to some nice things. Roll on 2011 is what I say.

Part of the upset was also about the lives that have recently been lost to this disease. Everyone refers to Hodgkin’s as the good cancer. But how can it be? It still takes lives. For me, I never worried that I wouldn’t get through treatment (the exception being when I was in hospital and in intensive care for pneumonia) or that I wouldn’t fight it, I always just assumed I would. Brian and Mike probably thought the same too and I can’t imagine what their families are going through right now.

Life isn’t fair sometimes.

This article is intended to convey general educational information and should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.

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2 comments

  1. I know this feeling all too well. I try & be strong,positive. Many of my chemo ‘buddies’ have lost their fight & its hard keeping optimistic knowing how strong they were as well yet it still took them. Ive just turned 24 im not READY to die yet theres so many things i still want to do & see. Have another chance a family…travel.. just see another Christmas more than anything. It really IS NOT FAIR!!!

  2. Thanks for your honest words. I am just in the beginning stages of my fight. Biopsy of left aux lymph node is tomorrow. It began w/ six weeks of fevers and HARD chills…24hrs later, gone. No other symptoms except my energy began to drain and eventually went to nothingness. I’m a preschool teacher, so NOT good. Anywho, fever came one day and stayed around, so went to doc, one CAT, found a weird node on lung. So second CAT. Found several weird nodes. Then PET. (I told my children a CAT scan was an xray where the dr looked around your body for cats! If they FIND cats then they do a PET scan to see if you have anything else, like dogs, fish, birds……) Lymph nodes under left arm and a couple small ones under right.
    Lymphoma? Breast cancer? Will find out on Tue the 26th, my daughters birthday. I ready for the battle, but the ‘hurry up and WAIT’ has been tough.

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