I want to talk about the battle that you go through and the hard decisions you have to make when you are living with Endometriosis.
As we face a new year my resolutions are simple. Take care of myself, fight with all I have against this disease and pray for a cure.
My Christmas was filled with wonderful family and a caring boyfriend who made it very special. I am in recovery from my third surgery that I had on December 12, so it was a little altered and I was limited on what I could do. I haven’t posted about the surgery and the things I’ve been through leading up to it because I was having a very hard time with the thoughts of going through it again.
About two months ago I went back to my doctor to figure out the next step in what we should do. I had a very bad reaction to the last treatment we had tried, birth control/hormone therapy. So it was at the point of having to have surgery again because the treatments hadn’t helped and it was still growing very swiftly. The date was set for December 12, the day of my graduation from college. I hated the thought of having to do surgery again just one year after my last and knowing what all the recovery would involve. Up until the day before surgery I was so torn. I almost cancelled it countless times; the reason wasn’t because I didn’t know I needed it. I knew I did but I had people that I was close to telling me how I
didn’t need to do it. I heard so many times that I needed to just deal with it and stop taking any kind of treatment and to not have another surgery. I’ve heard about everything out there. The thing that hurt the most wasn’t that it was the people I was close to, it wasn’t the fact that they made me feel weak and second guess myself. It was the fact that I felt guilty. I felt like it was my fault that I was sick in the first place. They made me feel guilty for being the one with Endometriosis. I felt like I was being weak. Like I didn’t deserve to be pain free because maybe it was my fault I was sick anyways.
If you’ve ever felt like that I want you to know that it’s not true. No matter what anyone says it’s not true. You have never done anything to deserve to go through the pain that Endometriosis brings. You don’t deserve the pain and you don’t deserve to have people telling you to deal with it and making you feel weak or guilty. The thing you have to remember is that the people that say all of that don’t know what it’s like to be laying in the floor feeling like you are dying because of the pain. Those people don’t know what it’s like to drag yourself out of bed to face each day with a smile on your face. So no matter what anyone says to you the thing you have to remember is to smile and remind yourself that they have no idea what you are going through. I have to remember that the people I am close to that say those things don’t mean to hurt me. They just don’t understand.
The thing that made me go through with it was my mom and my boyfriend. They had both seen me when I was hurting and crying with the pain. They knew what I went through and they fully supported me in having surgery. I figured they were the people I was closest to and who’s opinion I cared about the most and if they were behind me that was all that mattered. So I went through with it.
The surgery was long and hard. There was a lot more than my doctor expected. I had it all through my abdomen and pelvic area. It had eaten through most of the left ligament that holds my uterus in place. All through my abdomen and pelvis there were pools of blood. She said there was a lot of scarring and my tubes were not looking very good. She said that worried her because it could hinder me having kids. She told my parents that there were two classifications of women with Endometriosis. There were the ones that were able to have kids and that it helped. Then there were those that may be able to have kids but would still need a hysterectomy later in life. She told my parents I would one day have to have a hysterectomy.
I went back last week to have my post-op check up. She said that she couldn’t do another lap on me because I just couldn’t handle it again and it would probably do more scarring then good by that point. So she gave me the option of Depo Provera or Lupron. So on the 21st I had my first shot of Depo Provera. I haven’t noticed a whole lot of side effects or anything so far. I notice I’m edgy and am having very mild hot flashes but I know that can come from coming off all the pain medication from the surgery. (If you have tried Depo Provera, what do you think of it? What side effects did you notice?)
Each step I had to take, from deciding to go through with the surgery, to taking my first shot, to taking care of myself through recovery, every step is so important. Each one is a decision you have to make. You can’t let what other people say dictate the way you take care of your body. You need to do the thing that is the best for you. I have found that when I get to the place where I don’t know what to do and I’m confused by all the opinions I hear, that’s when I need to find a quiet place and dig down deep inside, past the confusion, past the fear, and find my courage and find that place where I know deep down what I should do. It’s in that place that the fighter in you comes out. It’s at that place you can pick yourself up and go forward with whatever you decide and not be bothered by what anyone says because you know you’re doing the right thing.
So as this year ends and we start another one I wish each and every one of you wonderful ladies a happy and pain free year. I pray that through this New Year you become stronger and together as we fight this disease that somewhere someone will find a cure. I pray that each day you find the strength to face the day with a smile on your face regardless of what anyone says.
May this year be filled with hope, love and a cure.
Much love and pain free wishes!
The informational content of this article is intended to convey general educational
information and should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.
This article is intended to convey general educational information and should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.