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Hollie’s Story (Endometriosis)

Hollie's Story EndoI have always had bad periods. The cramps were unbearable, but it really got bad when I was 18 years old. I remember waking up and barely making it to the bathroom, and that was when I hit the floor. The pain was so bad, I couldn’t move. My mother came running to me when she heard me trying to call for her. She helped me to the couch and got my heating pad and pain medication for me. The day was a nightmare, a nightmare that I would have to face every day from that point on.

In 2008, I had my first surgery to remove several cysts and endometriosis. I felt better for about two months, and then it started all over again. My doctor never really took me seriously and would just give me a prescription for pains meds and send me home. In 2012, I had three surgeries by two different doctors. At each surgery, I was told they had removed as much endometriosis as they could and that the endometriosis had come back even more after each surgery. I have also had my right ovary and tube and all except maybe a fourth of my left ovary removed. This was very disappointing. I felt like I had no hope of becoming normal, whatever that felt like. My normal had become pain every single day.

I had my last surgery in 2013 by a specialist out of state. He removed my appendix and more endometriosis. After that surgery, I got an infection that had become abscessed and was in the hospital for a week. I still had no improvements. I was then told, not only did I have endometriosis, I had interstitial cystitis, chronic pelvic pain (CPP) due to damaged and over-stimulated nerves, GERD, and IBS. I now see a doctor at a pain management center to get medication to help with the pain, so I can try to do normal daily activities.

My illness, as y’all already know, is extremely controlling. I was told just last year that I will not be able to have children. I am 26 years old, and it seems like every day that I get on social media, someone is announcing they are pregnant. So many times I have seen those posts and just broken down crying. Or I see someone who has been in and out of prison and had one child already taken from them by social services, and they announce they are pregnant, or I see a very young teenager having a baby. How is that fair? Why do they get the privilege of having a child, and I don’t? I would be an amazing mother. I pray constantly for a miracle baby.

I try so hard to live by, “I have endometriosis, endometriosis does not have me.” My wonderful husband has been right by my side through everything. I was so worried he wouldn’t be able to handle everything I have going on. We have been together for seven years and married for one and a half years. He has been so amazing through everything. My mother is my real hero. She’s been there to pick me up, literally, and make sure I’m doing okay. She has seen me at my absolute worst. She’s so very supportive, and she had endometriosis as well, but it was never as bad as mine is. She had a hysterectomy in 2007 and hasn’t really had any problems since. I have also learned how to hide my pain very well, sometimes too well, because then people don’t believe me when I say how bad the pain is. Coping with a chronic illness, especially an invisible one, is so hard.

Submitted 09/03/2015

This story is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.

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  1. Bryanna Lackey

    Hi, I have endometriosis & Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was fortunate enough to become pregnant 4 times. I only have two children the other two resulted in miscarriages. I would say trying to track your periods day by day so that you can use an ovulation & fertility chart that is how I conceived my son who is now 10 months old. I got pregnant with my daughter 4 months after my first laparoscopic surgery. She is 5 now, I am 23 by the way. I know that there are some drugs that they can give you to help with becoming pregnant. I wish you good luck, just don’t give up, don’t give in. Days are hard sometimes.

  2. Hollie

    Wow, I am so happy you were able to have those two precious kids and I am so sorry about the miscarriages. Thank you sharing with me, it’s nice to have someone to talk to that actually understands what I am going through. I have two younger sisters who have both volunteered to carry a baby for me, but I think we are going to look in to adopting, so many children that need a good home to grow up in. Still hurts that may never know what our child would look like and act like. I just keep reminding myself that I was chosen to take this journey for a reason. Thank you!

  3. Bryanna Lackey

    You’re welcome. I wish you the best on your adopting journey, there is nothing like the love of having a child biological or not. I agree, this website has helped me understand that my pain isn’t solely in my head that my pain is real. That endometriosis & PCOS does indeed make everyday hard to get through. It’s so nice to have women going through the same thing. 🙂

  4. Wendy

    I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I want to encourage you to keep trying for kids (if you’re even able to tolerate the logistics of making a baby!!) Everyone’s case and prognosis is different, but with q history similar to yours and all the same diagnoses, I’ve had two children – both surprises having been told I wouldn’t be able to. I had one at 23, and another at 38. It was always when I wasn’t consciously trying. If adoption is your path, it will be a great one. Although not carrying a pregnancy can feel like another loss, it’s also extremely hard on our bodies – the ones dealing with pelvic pain, IC, and often – like I have – hypermobility that causes back, hip and sacrum/tailbone pain. I think tge most critical piece of overcoming and fighting these, is not focusing on what’s been taken away (easier said than done) but what we can still do. Creating a family through adoption is a beautiful thing, and saves your body the stress put on it by pregnancy. Have you read Isa Hererra’a book, Healing Female Pain (?name?) – that book and working with a PT changed my life and has allowed me to get my life back on some sort of track after 3 years of crippling, bed-bound pain. Best wishes –

  5. Teisha

    Holly you are so strong! I too have IC and endo. Who did you see for your surgery? I know you said out of state so in wondering if your doc is closer to me

  6. Tasha Boston

    Hi Holly,

    I wanted to advise that i know exactly what you are going thru, I have Endo, Crohns, Fibromyalgia and they are still thinking i have more issues. I have been having severe panic attacks and heart issues 🙁

    I wanted to ask what type of pain medication do they have you on? I have tried so many differenct types of medicines at my Pain Management Clinic but they just rely on me to tell them what i want. I have no clue what will work, so far i have been on Morphine with Percocet as a buffer and i think i have tried every muscle relaxer known to man, It would really help if any of you can advise if you have found a certain medicine that works just a little bit. I am on the verge of losing my job becuase i have missed so much work from the pain.

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