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Amy’s Story (Addiction)

Amy's Story (Addiction Recovery) LRMy Story:

July 24, 2004 – It’s funny how my day goes by and I seem to have forgotten what I ate yesterday, or to even run an errand today. But this day is as clear to me now as it was 8 years ago. I was 25 years old and a single mother living on welfare and barely hanging on to sanity. I remember constantly changing the color of my hair to redecorating my home. It wasn’t till my journey began that I realized, I was really just trying to change me on the inside by changing me on the outside.

July 24, 2004 – My hardest fight began; I was sitting on the floor in front of my closet mirror doors. I was curling my hair and drinking a Budweiser. I looked down the hall and saw my son in the reflection. That moment I knew I was done. I looked back at me and didn’t even recognize the woman that gazed into my eyes. I no longer acted like the woman I knew I wanted to be. I was no longer the mother I needed to be for my son. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. That moment was the moment that saved me from me! I had hated my own father for his alcoholism but didn’t realize my son was witnessing my own.

I do not even remember the drive there but my next recollection was walking through the doors of AA. The meeting started and I was like a scared kid on the first day of school with no friends. I sat and listened and let the tears flow. I didn’t care anymore. I knew I was going to change. I had to change. Admitting to myself that I had been blacking out months prior, putting myself in situations that were clearly unsafe, waking up and not remembering where I was or how I even gotten there, barely escaping imprisonment or losing my child or possibly my life. I began my recovery process and the program suggested to me was to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and to get a sponsor. The first 90 days flew by and it was exciting but almost depressing. I had to separate myself from the life I once knew and start rebuilding the foundation that I had destroyed. The people in these meetings were men and woman from all walks of life, joining together for one common purpose to fight, to live, to recover.

I had started when I was 14 years old covering my emotions and feelings with narcotics. I had learned to numb feelings of joy and feelings of sorrow with getting high . When I was 17 years old, the urge to continue my drug use left my body and my pregnancy was healthy and full of happiness. Only days after delivering my son, my drinking started. The drugs may have stopped but the numbing and masking of my own emotions continued. The previous 11 years were spent under the influence of some sort of substance.

The first year of my sobriety is almost like a movie, separating myself from the bars and distancing myself from the friends that allowed and even encouraged my reckless behavior. The first year was baby stepping everything, learning life all over again. Then reality came through my life like a tornado, powerful and destroying all the things I had built. I buried my grandmother and, shortly after, my other grandmother, then my grandfather. In 25 years of life I had to learn what pain was all over again and how to get through it with out drugs or alcohol. I remember feeling hurt like I never imagined, but feeling joy like I had never knew existed. It was how to feel, I was learning, all the emotions, the good, the bad and actually understanding the physical effects that came with it.

The hardest part of my recovery was learning how to forgive, For some reason it was easy to forgive other people. But learning to forgive myself was my hardest hurdle. There was so much that I was ashamed of, embarrassed of, and even refused to admit. But when I did, the healing process truly began.

In the 8 years of my sobriety, I have dealt with being a single mother, losing loved ones, changing jobs, discovering a lump in my breast, ending relationships, surgeries, and my son being diagnosed with a rare DNA mutation, but the one thing that hasn’t changed is my sobriety date – July 24, 2004.

Today after all my black outs, all my memories, all the trials and tribulations, I can now look at myself in the mirror and I see me in the reflection.  33 years later I can finally say, I like me. I am now discovering hobbies and the joy and strength that comes with building healthy relationships with other women. I have a wonderful teenage son, a house that is safe and secure, a car that is reliable, and a career I love.

I HAVE ME ……

Amy
Texas

The informational content of this article is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.

This story is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.

21 comments

  1. Amy,
    I’ve not met you in person, yet through a mutual friend, we connected on a comical level. Today, after reading this very personal story, I feel as if I have connected with you on a much more intimate, personal level. You’re beautiful, you’re brave, you’re strong, and you’re ALIVE. More alive than most people I know, because you APPRECIATE life. Thank you for being able to share your own story. Thank you for looking at yourself in the mirror, and for fighting like a girl. You, my beautiful friend, rock.

    Xoxoxo

    Annie

  2. Touching story…from the heart to the heart., by one of the strongest “girls” I know. Fight on Amy!

  3. Amy,
    What a great testimony to what you endured and overcome! I am so glad to have met you and spent time talking to you at BBBC. You know they say we are drawn to our own “kind”, and this just proves, they are so right. I remember my first year and it was tough, but I did prevail. Your have a beautiful smile and you personality reflects the person you have become. I am so proud to know you! Love and Respect to you always !

    • Thank you for your friendship and understanding. You are truly a pleasure and Inspiration <3 I appreciate your support and kind words and Hope to see you next year at BBBC <3

  4. Thank you Amy. I learned along time ago that emotions and the pain/joy of feelings were life. If we choose to mute them, we are choosing to not live that life. A muted life is useless. I sound redundant, I know. Just happy to hear it in your words. Carry on beautiful lady!

    FLAG friend,

    Lisa

    • <3 Feelings are a powerful emotion, it is so strange that some of us were willing and purposely trying to cover them up! It's amazing and painful sensation but also a reminder that we are human… Thank you for reading my testimony <3

      Amy

  5. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m still fighting this disease. I’ve been sober off and on for the last 12 years – the longest time I was able to maintain was 2 years but I keep trying – every day is a new beginning and I baby step my way each day – some days, weeks are successful – some are disappointing but I keep hanging in there. It’s stories like yours that give me hope…

    • Bj – You are right – Baby steps are important – I know it’s funny but picking up my chips really helped me – It was a reminder that I was taking it slowly – one day, 30 days, 60 days, It felt so good this year to pick up my 8 years. By any means I know I am not cured! But I do realize that there is a different life to live for today. It’s sad to hear that you have gone back out- But the honor is in hearing you went back in, So many people never return to sobriety <3 Keep doing what your doing my friend and remember there is someone that is needing to hear your story as well! Addiction is not a dirty word- And there is nothing to be ashamed by allowing others to know we are in recovery !

      This our fight !!! But we are not alone so many other people are fighting this too <3

  6. Wow! Amy, i’m always surprised by the lives, we live. some have some real hurdles, & othere’s seem to just skate on by? w/out a bump in the road. Thank you for shareing. You sound like a very strong lady, mother, & daughter! I very happy you have taken control of your life, for your families sake. best wishes to you & your young man, I also hope all is well w/ your lady parts. I wish you & your young man a very happy New Year! take care. 😉

  7. Amy: I love your story and happy you overcame alchololism. I also am a former boozer, drunk. I don’t know how I made it home safely many nights.But by the grace of God Almighty ; i overcame this demon of Hell cold turkey. God delivered me from that hell of a life.I am now 65 years old.You can defeat this demon of alchololism by the will to quit and be at peace in your mind and life.Again, I enjoyed how you over come this addiction. Sincerely; BillyDillon.

  8. Amy, I a a alcoholic and have been free for 8 years. I drove my life in a ditch and like you I am one of the lucky ones. As long as I stay alcoholic free I am a luck one. Keep up the good work. Best Regards, Steve

  9. YOU ARE A BLESSING!!
    And one inspirational kick ass * girl !
    Blessed to Know ya, love Cheri’

  10. Amy, after having read your story, I now have an even deeper and may I say greater respect for you. I too was an alcoholic, after losing my mom shortly after my 21st birthday, I became very depressed and turned to alcohol as a crutch. It did nothing except nearly cost me my life. I am happy to say that I have been sober for 9 years now. Have touched a drop since. I salute you in your fight. Keep it up.
    Yours sincerely, D. Boshoff in sunny South Africa.

  11. Bonjour Amy ,

    You have written this quiet a while ago and just now I am reading it for the first time, the only thing I can say to you …

    Your ” outside “beauty shows that you have suceeded to be such a confident person ,so comfortable, happy, strong and strong will !
    The best medecine you could give yourself and your child – is your strength and durability to survive …

    … YOU DO HAVE YOU , LUCKY YOU AND YOUR CHILD AND ANYONE WHO HAS THE CHANCE TO READ YOUR STORY !

    Bravo Amy !!

    With love from Québec, Canada
    Brigitte Estelle xxxx

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