I remember being a little girl and having the feeling that something just wasn’t right. I would ball up and cry to myself through the years. I’d make the comment about how I thought I had cancer or something like that. Guess it probably did sound a bit dramatic coming from a small child. When I was about 22 or so I noticed a nice size lump visible from under the skin on my neck. I went to the doctor on and off trying to get it diagnosed but, not having insurance, I was constantly looked over. I even had my obgyn take a look at it when I later found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child. She said it wasn’t anything to worry about.
In Feb of 2010, I just about fell out at Walmart with one of my close friends. She insisted I go to the emergency room and at least try to get looked at again. Finally someone listened to me 🙂 I was admitted for 5 days and all kinds of tests were done to find out exactly what was going on.
2 days after being released I got the call that it was cancer. Within the next few months I got on insurance through my state and had two surgeries to remove my thyroid and over 25 lymph nodes and tumors. After the first surgery I was left without any voice because the largest tumor had attached to my vocal chords, and when they removed it, it had damaged my vocal chords. Thank God that after 4 months it came back just about as normal as before. God sure is amazing!!
I later found out it had spread to my chest and all throughout my neck and that I was in need of another surgery before they could start my treatment. But then my insurance went out and I have been left at a stand still for the last two years. I finally got back on synthroid a couple months ago which is such a huge blessing.
I have heard many times ‘Oh, you don’t deserve this!’ ‘It isnt fair!’ and many other comments. I think God allowed me to go through this journey because He knows I am strong enough to handle this and I still find reasons to smile. I know God looks out for me and my beautiful children who only have me (and my boyfriend) to look out for them. God knew I was stubborn enough to keep fighting, even through times when all I want to do is give up. I feel so left out and so sad sometimes due to the things this cancer has done or caused, but life goes on. Sometimes I don’t understand why others get all the love and support and get treatment but I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I always, always pray for others and wish the best for others. Sometimes it just makes me wish I was ‘important’ enough, too. That’s when I remind myself how strong I am and that things happen as they are meant to and this journey isn’t over yet. I refuse to let the cancer win! I will keep fighting! I will keep appreciating what God blesses me with and sometimes what He blesses me without 🙂
The scars on my neck are a perfect memory to remind me just how strong I am and to keep me motivated…to remind me I am worth it and I will continue to fight until I succeed. God is good!!!
The informational content of this article is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.
This article is intended to convey general educational information and should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.