Friday, October 18, 2019
Home / Power Stories / Amy’s Fight Like a Girl Story

Amy’s Fight Like a Girl Story

Amy's Personal Power Story There is a phenomenon that I am just now becoming familiar with. I have never had to deal with it in my life until now, and to say the least, it’s upsetting. Losing friends when you get sick.

About a year and a half ago I had to go back on dialysis, this wasn’t going to be a short term thing like last time, I really had to commit to it, which meant adhering to a diet and a lifestyle that limited my socializing, at least the kind of socializing I had become accustomed to.

I had a group of friend’s I could rely on for every Friday and Saturday night festivities. No matter what, there was something to do. Maybe I was wrong in using this as a coping mechanism. I could go with them on adventures and forget, if not just for a bit, that I was sick. I could rely on them for taking my mind off my problem’s, and therapeutic merriment. I needed them. I needed the break from my reality. I enjoyed them.

Then I got really sick and I haven’t heard from one of them since.

You see, this type of friend can be relied upon to help you move, to buy the pizza on weeks you are short, or even buy the beer to cover you, but they are not the kind of friend that can be relied upon for emotional support.

Now, I know it may seem like I am admonishing this sort of friend, I am not doing this in the slightest; I’m just coming to the realization of when and where you can rely on them. I made the mistake of thinking they were long term friends. Friends that you would watch get married, friends that you would watch have children that would call you aunt or uncle. Apparently this is not the case when you get sick. This friend will not be there.

This has made me very sad. I had thought I was close enough to be invited to be a part of the weddings, but when you get sick, you are not. I then thought at least I would be invited to the wedding showers and bachelorette parties, but when you get sick, you are not. I then thought at least I would get an invitation to these weddings, but when you get sick, you do not.

I have been told that I push people away, because when asked what they can do to help I say “nothing,” and apparently this is not acceptable. What do you want to do for me exactly, I’m sick, and I don’t feel well, what would you like for me to let you do? Do you want to take naps with me? Do you want to go to the hundreds of doctors appointments with me? I don’t even want to be there…why would you?

Getting sick has been less of a blow to my morale. Losing friends that I thought cared has shattered me to the core. I’m sorry I have passed on dinner plans on days I spent puking. It doesn’t mean I want you to stop asking. I’m sorry I can’t drink 12 beers with you, but I sure would like to be invited out for one. I’m sorry I didn’t answer the phone the last time you called to update me on gossip, it doesn’t mean you can’t leave a message and I’ll call you back when I feel better.

I’m sorry I am sick and that has imposed on our relationship.

Trust me, I am sorry that I am sick.

Amy C
Ohio
Submitted 9-25-12

The informational content of this article is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.

This story is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.

4 comments

  1. Perfectly said! I have gone through the same thing, and it has broken my heart. I have a few people that still call and check up on me, but I think most people just feel powerless. This was a great post, sorry you have had to deal with this. Thanks for sharing your story.
    mo

  2. Darlene Predham

    Hi Amy,I’m so sorry that your friends pulled away from you.I know it hurts,I too experienced it when I was going through breast cancer in 2005…I think for a lot of people they feel at a loss of what to do and many people have never experienced what we go through day by day and then there are some that just can’t handle being around someone that is sick…the only ones that really and truly understand are the ones that have been through what you are dealing with…I hope your treatments go well for you and I’m sure there are many women on here who would gladly be your friend,should you ever need someone to talk to…thank you for sharing your sadness and hurt,it’s good to get it out,so it doesn’t build up inside of you,that doesn’t help your health any..I learned that if someone couldn’t handle what I was dealing with,then it was their problem and not mine,I was fighting to live..and I am still here 7 yrs later still fighting..don’t let it get the best of you hun….

    • 7 years later i am also still fighting for my life and what u said is true some ppl cant deal with the sick and what not but to someone in our spot even just a card in the mail or a phone call means the world and my brother has now been in jail ova a year on faulse charges cause my aunt lies and that alone brings me down so much because hes not herenfor me to turn to him n hug n cry cuz he to has crohns disease not as bad but he knows my pain n then when he calls he asks how r things n i told him in december i jus got home from surgery n he was like plz stop n fought back tears n said im not thea for u n i know how this family turned out besides r grand mother what do we have but each other n i cant hear this im nit thea n i told him well ive neva lied to u n wont start now he knows johnny n will be glad when im home n write him that hes thea for me but im also scared imma lose him to jail to for takin his friends charges i wish all u ladies the best cuz i also fight for my life i have chrons disease n now epilepsy n i would love to have other female friends goin thrua struggle love to all u strong beautiful ladies

  3. You couldnt of put things any better ive had cronhs since i was 12 first surgery at 18 and was fine after that and i had my friends and family im now 27 n have had 19 surgeries in 7 years n slowly lost everyone was the hardest hit was my best friend since 8grade neva bothered to come see me in the hospital my family and mom r good now but before n after i got real sick a man came between her n her kids and familyso she wasnot there for me it took for me to be dying in a coma to come see me as if i knew she was thea i have my sista that i raised tell me its ur fault u pushed people away i ask her sissa what am i suppose to do when someone asks what can i do to help i cant ask for them to take the pain away i cant ask to switch lives u wanna lay down n take a nap with me do you wanna lay down n listen to me cry in pain when i cant even get visits in the hospital i dont want or ask for anyones pity im jus good enough when ppl need money ive had a limited few thea for me thru every thing n a friend i met a few yrs ago is the one thats thea for me i am in the hospital right now n hes watchin my house n dog between work n everything n he jus sent me pictures n he cleaned my entire house for me it jus makes me cry that hes who i can turn to n not friends i had for years or siblings n cousins i know this disease iis for life im jus glad that for now ive got one real friend in my life he jus gets me n when i jus wanna lay down watch tv he lays with me n we usually fall asleep together i dont know how to thank him he means the world to me

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *