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Natalie’s Story (Depression, Anxiety)

Green RibbonI had a happy childhood, for the most part. I had a loving mother, brothers, grandparents, aunt and uncles, besides my dad being there. He was drunk half the time. He would come home late at night and fuss with my mom about stuff I didn’t understand as a child. At age two, I saw my father take a gun and hold it to my mother’s stomach when she was pregnant with my little brother. That traumatized me.

When I got to elementary school, I was known as the ugly duckling in the class. Every day I would come home crying because some kids called me fat, or I was to short to do anything. I let people walk over me because I’ve seen my mother take everything my father did to her. When I got to middle school, I started zoning out in my social life, my school work and activities. I’ve always been known as the fat kid. Even my P.E teacher told me, “You’re gonna be nothing ever, except for fat.” During my 7th grade year, I was contemplating my sexuality. Am I a boy or a girl? Eventually I got put on meds for ADD. My 9th grade year is when I changed my life and became a boy. But I wasn’t happy. I never have been. I didn’t have any friends, so I turned to cutting and drawing sick and twisted things. My tenth grade year, I began to starve myself and cut more and more. I even tried to commit suicide eight times.

My depression began, I guess, when I was little. Especially my anxiety. I would always question what I did. Will this make them happy? I never even stopped and asked myself, “Natalie, is this what you want?” My anxiety and depression are the reason I dropped out of high school because I couldn’t face the hate from kids and teachers every day. Even though I’m medicated now, I still suffer and I can’t make it go away.

Natalie
Alabama
Submitted 09/29/2015

The informational content of this article is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.

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6 comments

  1. I can relate. Writing helps me. I wrote a book about my anxiety and depression. Its called “the diary of Nancy Grace” Maybe writing can help you too..

  2. Brigitte Estelle Gaudreault

    Dear sweet Nathalie !
    Please stop taking people’s negative ignorance serious as if you should be talked to that way!
    I betcha anything you are ” YOU “,
    1… SWEET
    2… LOVELY
    3… STRONG
    4…FIGHTER
    5…WRITER
    6…BELEIVER…

    KICK ASS NATHALIE!!
    LOVE YOURSELF , AREN’T YOU DESERVING OF LOVE, LAUGHTER ! Don’t be shocked when confronted by bullies REMEMBER THEIR IGNORANCE IS THEIR DISEASE, YOUR SMILE AND YOUR MOVING FOREWARD IS YOUR REWARD FROM HARD WORK, SUCESS FROM WANTING TO SHED THEM OFF YOUR BACK !!
    FIGHT LIKE A GIRL , BUT MEAN IT !!!!
    When you are down, feeling down, hell write to others in this great club and you will find friends who think of you as a great person !

    ☆★☆★ HAPPY NEW YEAR , NATHALIE ! ☆★☆★

  3. Brigitte Estelle Gaudreault

    OOPS, HI NATHALIE,
    FROM ABOVE I FORGOT TO SIGN OFF , DON’T FORGET TO LOVE YORSELF!!

    WITH LOVE FROM QUÉBEC, CANADA
    BRIGITTE ESTELLE XXX

  4. Brigitte Estelle Gaudreault

    Bonjour Nathalie,
    Don’t look at somebody and say ‘that’s what I want’ because in reality if you’re seeking self approval or human approval, you’re never gonna reach your goal. You can only reach it by God and your beliefs !

    Humans have never given me a better comfort zone than what God can give me, Love yourself Nathalie, hope that you’ll write me! !!

    With love from Québec, Canada
    Brigitte Estelle xxx

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